Tiger, Meet My Sister?: And Other Things I Probably Shouldn't Have Said by Rick

Description: Tiger, Meet My Sister? by Rick Reilly "All articles were previously published, in slightly differenct form, on ESPN.com from 2011-2013."--Title page verso. FORMAT Paperback LANGUAGE English CONDITION Brand New Publisher Description A collection of the very best recent writings from former ESPN columnist and New York Times bestselling author Rick Reilly.In this hilariously funny essay collection, ESPN columnist RickReilly com-piles the best of his sports columns-essays that includehis expert opinion on athlete tattoos, NFL cheerleaders, and even running with the bulls in Pamplona.Rick Reilly has no compunction telling readers, in his quick-witted style, how he really feels about some of the most popular sports figures of our time. Wondering about quarterback Jay Cutler? "Cutler is the kind of guy you just want to pick up and throw into a swimming pool, which is exactly what Peyton Manning and two linemen did one year at the Pro Bowl." Or how about Tiger Woods? "Sometimes you wonder where Tiger Woods gets his public-relations advice. Gary Busey?"But for every brazen takedown, Reilly has written a heartwarming story of the power of sports to heal the wounded and lift the downtrodden- the young Ravens fan with cancer who called the plays for a few-victorious-games in 2012, or the onetime top NFL recruit who was finally exonerated after serving five years for a crime he didnt commit.Whether he makes you laugh, cry, or just gets under your skin, Rick Reilly is sure to offer a unique and hilarious perspective on your favorite golf players, football teams, MVPs, and more.Rick Reilly has been called "one of the funni-est humans on the planet-an indescribable amalgam of Dave Barry, Jim Murray, and Lewis Grizzard, with the timing of Jay Leno and the wit of Johnny Carson" (Publishers Weekly).With a new introduction and updates from Reilly on his most talked-about col-umns,Tiger, Meet My Sister... makes the perfect gift for sports fans of all kinds. Author Biography Rick Reilly was a front-page columnist for ESPN.com, and now regularly appears on Monday Night Countdown, SportsCenter, and Sunday NFL Countdown. He is the author of many books, including the New York Times bestsellers Hate Mail from Cheerleaders, Missing Links, Shanks for Nothing, and Whos Your Caddy? Review Praise for Rick Reilly, Tiger, Meet My Sister..., and Whos Your Caddy?"Rick Reilly is one of the funniest humans on the planet, an indescribable amalgam of Dave Barry, Jim Murray, and Lewis Grizzard, with the timing of Jay Leno and the wit of Johnny Carson."—Publishers Weekly "Dont get started reading this book. It will take three burly men to pull you away from it."—Bob Costas, NBC commentator for Missing Links "You dont need to know your bogeys from your birdies to find at least three laughs per page in this novel."—The New York Times Book Review for Missing Links "Snappy prose, believable characters, and the funniest take on blue-collar hacking and gambling since Dan Jenkinss The Glory Game at Goat Hill...its social satire and pure irreverence that keep this story in the groove."—Los Angeles Times for Missing Links"Reilly could write about lawn bowling and make it funny, informative, and entertaining. You never know what the next page is going to bring." —Los Angeles Times for Whos Your Caddy? "You might not think the story of a man carrying Tommy Aarons golf bag for 18 holes could make you laugh out loud, but youd be wrong. Whos Your Caddy? is funny enough to coax a chuckle out of Vijay Singh. A great way to read about the game—and its people, too." —Charlotte Observer "You dont have to know much about golf to get a kick out of this book. Reilly learns a little about golf, and a lot about people." —The Buffalo News for Whos Your Caddy? "[Reilly] knows and delivers a good story when he sees it . . . readers cant help but be touched by the sheer ingenuity of many of these games and the sheer courage of many of the participants."—Booklist for Sports from Hell "Reilly was the closest thing sportswriting ever had to a rock star."—Chris Chase, USAToday.com"Often, Reillys is so good, it almost is painful for sportswriters like me to read him."—Ed Sherman, The Sherman Report "Reilly made you think, made you cry, made you LOL, made you get to know a subject, made you love sports and hate sports and love him and hate him. Above all, he made you read him, every column."—Jay Marriotti, SportsTalk Florida Review Quote Praise for Rick Reilly, Tiger, Meet My Sister... , and Whos Your Caddy? "Rick Reilly is one of the funniest humans on the planet, an indescribable amalgam of Dave Barry, Jim Murray, and Lewis Grizzard, with the timing of Jay Leno and the wit of Johnny Carson."-- Publishers Weekly "Dont get started reading this book. It will take three burly men to pull you away from it."--Bob Costas, NBC commentator for Missing Links "You dont need to know your bogeys from your birdies to find at least three laughs per page in this novel."-- The New York Times Book Review for Missing Links "Snappy prose, believable characters, and the funniest take on blue-collar hacking and gambling since Dan Jenkinss The Glory Game at Goat Hill ...its social satire and pure irreverence that keep this story in the groove."-- Los Angeles Times for Missing Links "Reilly could write about lawn bowling and make it funny, informative, and entertaining. You never know what the next page is going to bring." -- Los Angeles Times for Whos Your Caddy? "You might not think the story of a man carrying Tommy Aarons golf bag for 18 holes could make you laugh out loud, but youd be wrong . Whos Your Caddy? is funny enough to coax a chuckle out of Vijay Singh. A great way to read about the game--and its people, too." -- Charlotte Observer "You dont have to know much about golf to get a kick out of this book. Reilly learns a little about golf, and a lot about people." -- The Buffalo News for Whos Your Caddy? "[Reilly] knows and delivers a good story when he sees it . . . readers cant help but be touched by the sheer ingenuity of many of these games and the sheer courage of many of the participants."-- Booklist for Sports from Hell "Reilly was the closest thing sportswriting ever had to a rock star."--Chris Chase, USAToday.com "Often, Reillys is so good, it almost is painful for sportswriters like me to read him."--Ed Sherman, The Sherman Report "Reilly made you think, made you cry, made you LOL, made you get to know a subject, made you love sports and hate sports and love him and hate him. Above all, he made you read him, every column."--Jay Marriotti, SportsTalk Florida Excerpt from Book Foreword Now that Im dead, Id like to discuss my funeral. First off, I want chili cheeseburgers. And Guinness. And the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders. I want the Cure playing, live. I hid some money under the rock out back. Should cover it. If theres any left, get the Phoenix Gorilla, too. Ill need a mix of crying and laughing, 25 percent/70 percent, if we could. The other 5 percent is going to be those who will be there howling happily to see that Ive boxed. That will be Bryant Gumbel, Steve Garvey, and Sammy Sosa, people like that. Let them holler lousy things out about me now and then. I dont mind. I was hard on them. A lot of my final rankings will be hanging on big posters on the walls of whatever hall you rent. (The back room at an Olive Garden ought to do it.) They are as follows: NICEST PEOPLE: * Steph Curry * Jim Nantz * That bald guy with the mushroom-cloud ear hair who always comes up to me and tells me how much he loved my last column even though Mitch Albom usually wrote it BIGGEST JERKS: * Barry Bonds * Barry Bonds * Robert ( Arliss ) Wuhl * Barry Bonds * Jay Cutler MOST FUN: * Charles Barkley * George Clooney * David Feherty GREATEST WITNESSED THRILLS: * Nicklaus wins the 1986 Masters * North Carolina State wins the 1983 NCAA March Madness * My first SI Swimsuit shoot. Oh. My. God. LARGEST REGRETS: * Believed Lance Armstrong * Didnt believe Jose Canseco * Sold all my Apple at 125 DUMBEST QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASKED ME: * Where do they store the hockey ice at the arena when they switch over to basketball? (A: They cut it up in little squares and the players take it home and keep it in their freezers.) * Why has Greg Norman never been selected to play in the Ryder Cup? (A: Because Norman has a deal with U-Haul.) * When was the last repeat winner of the Kentucky Derby? (A: Sigh.) PEOPLE I WAS SURE WOULD BE DEAD BEFORE ME: * Mike Tyson * Dennis Rodman * John Daly BEST INSULT: * "Thanks for sending me your book. Ill waste no time reading it." (From a reviewer.) PRESIDENTS MET: * Ford (stepped on my foot) * Carter (wouldnt let go of my wife) * Bush 41 (very fast, very bad golfer) * Clinton (smart) * Obama (fantasy football partner) ANNOYANCES: * The readjust, re-, triple loogie done between pitches every freaking time * The stupid rule that wont let you pull it out of a divot * Guns THINGS ILL MISS: * Wife and kids and buddies * Third-and-8 and Peyton Manning deciding who hes going to burn * Piano bars THINGS I WONT: * "Can you take a look at my nephews book? Its a true story!" * Wide receivers who pump their chest and point to the name on their back after a six-yard gain. * The 43 million waiters and waitresses in this country who set the plate down and say, "Enjoy." Hey, lady, its a cheesesteak. Where do you think Im putting it? WHAT I LEARNED: * The faster a sprinter is, the slower he walks * There is no point talking to a 5-iron * The Kenyan with the most impossible name to pronounce will win the race * All other Kenyans will finish 2-through-10 * Media company lawyers do not get paid to get your joke. They get paid to kill it * Even if there are 1,000 people in front of you enjoying your after-dinner speech, you will focus on the lady whos asleep * The guy you need the most to finish your story will be last out of the shower * Every hate e-mail starts with "Ive enjoyed everything youve written, until _____", and ends with "hope you die in a fiery ____ accident" * Ninety-seven percent of athletes are lovely people and really boring columns * If youre not adding some tiny good to the world, then youre wasting everybodys time Up on stage, there will be a bottle of Macallan scotch from every year Ive been alive. Each person will come up to the stage and take a shot from the year they met me, then smash the glass. If you dont drink, we probably never met. For flowers, Id like the purple kind. Theyre pretty. MC Vin Scully (hell outlive us all) will get up and open--cold--with Sentences That Have Never Been Uttered in the History of the English Language. I have a whole collection Ive been saving and theyll be perfect coming out of Vins velvet voice box. A few sentences nobodys ever uttered: * "Tiger, meet my sister." * "Shaq, you shoot the technical." * "Tebow says go screw yourself." Then Vin is going to open it up for speeches. But be warned: Rip me, roast me, rave about me, but dont be boring. Im going to have Nate (No Neck) Syzmanski standing there. If youre dull, hell disconnect the mike and "encourage" you off the stage. If Charles Barkley shows, Id like him to get up and tell about the time we were driving along and the steering wheel came off in his hands. Or the time we were walking along in Barcelona in 1992 and looked back to see 200 people following us. Id like John Elway to tell about the time we were playing golf and he tripped on a tee marker at the top of a steep par 3 and tumbled 30 feet cleat-over-baseball-cap. One of the best up and downs of his life. And itd be great if one of my buddies got up and read some of the dumb quotes Ive had to stand there and write in my notepad. Do you know how hard it is to write about people who make their livings with their bodies, not their brains? For instance: * "Oh, man, youll never get up this thing in the winter."--Wayne Gretzkys Canadian friend, surveying Gretzkys steep L.A. driveway * "We got our backs to the drivers seat."--Otis Armstrong, RB, Denver Broncos * "Ive won championships at every level, except high school and college."--Shaquille ONeal Oh, and I want a bunch of Nerf footballs in the crowd. I want people to just stand up and go, "Im open!" and then have somebody wing one at them. I want Elway to have his own basket of them. Now, Ive taken the liberty of writing my own obit. If youll just send it to the papers and the websites and whatnot: RICK REILLY, 56, sportswriter, died this week of one thing or the other. He probably had it coming. Reilly published or posted over 2 million words in his 37-year career, most of them making fun of Barry Bonds and the size of his head. At least Reilly tried to tell the truth in his stories and columns. He might not have always done it, but he tried. He also tried to make it all add up to something. He tried to make you laugh or cry or treat somebody better. Or worse. Once in awhile, he pulled it off. Reilly was a very odd sportswriter in that he didnt really write about sports. He wrote more about people who played sports than the sports themselves. The high school stud quarterback who took the loneliest girl under his wing. The blind woman who travels by bus, train and sidewalk to every Yankees game. The sports-fan kid who was supposed to be 17 and looked 80. Reilly covered every major sporting event except the Indy 500, and every minor one, including the world sauna championship, in which he placed 103rd. He saw over 100 countries, including some behind the Iron Curtain that no longer exist. He went to every state but North Dakota, although hes not really welcome in Nebraska, possibly because of this joke he told in Omaha: Q: What do you call a hot tub full of Nebraska cheerleaders? A: Gorillas in the mist. He got decent at the piano for a while. Knew enough magic to annoy you. George Clooney made one of his movies. He had a TV series that lasted one episode. Had his own interview show that lasted 15. Helped raise over $50 million to fight malaria via Nothing But Nets, which he came up with because he was desperate for a column one week. He saw the northern lights. He ran with the bulls. He saw the best people could be and the worst. He loved writing about big people acting small and small people acting big. He liked writing about the star of the team, but he preferred writing about the nobody at the end of the bench. He wrote short, medium and long, which was probably what he did best, but its probably also why hes dead at 56. He always said every one of them takes a year off your life. Th Details ISBN0142181900 Author Rick Reilly Publisher Penguin Putnam Inc Year 2015 ISBN-10 0142181900 ISBN-13 9780142181904 Format Paperback Imprint Plume Subtitle And Other Things I Probably Shouldnt Have Said Country of Publication United States DEWEY 796 Short Title TIGER MEET MY SISTER Language English Media Book Residence Denver, CO, US Place of Publication New York Pages 348 Publication Date 2015-04-28 US Release Date 2015-04-28 UK Release Date 2015-04-28 Audience General NZ Release Date 2015-06-23 AU Release Date 2015-06-23 We've got this At The Nile, if you're looking for it, we've got it. With fast shipping, low prices, friendly service and well over a million items - you're bound to find what you want, at a price you'll love! TheNile_Item_ID:168925414;

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